i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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