What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
