official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
