1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We named our party play list daddy issues
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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