one two three fourrrrnication!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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