I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
