I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
