whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
