I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
