so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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