So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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