grandma shit on top of the toilet
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
