ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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