and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
