Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
