hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
