Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
