I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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