whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
