Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
