Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
