she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize