What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
