I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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