Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize