I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
