the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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