This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
