Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
