its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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