Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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