i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
