Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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