she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
