Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
