And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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