its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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