i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
