BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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