That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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