Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
