I wanna bring you to show and tell
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
