Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
