like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize