So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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