There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
