He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
