Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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