absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
