FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
