you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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