I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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