i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
