They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
