Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
