He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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