The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
