I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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