my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize