Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
