yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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