Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
