She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
