I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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