Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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