Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
