I wish I only lived at night.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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