true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
