I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
