That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
